life, support, Uncategorized

When the fabric of life needs holding together

I feel like I’m unraveling.

The stitches that help keep me together are loosening, making my edges frayed and my soul fragile and exposed.

I know I spot this unraveling much sooner than I used to. I spot when something is pulling me apart, threatening the seams that keep me together.

There are situations I avoid to protect myself – these are often the same situations that have ripped me.

As I try to pull myself back together, I feel things all over again. Anger. Sadness. Guilt. Failure.

I shout, cry, self harm… and then the calm comes.

It wraps its arms around me and allows me to cry.

I usually ball up, hold my face in my hands, bitten nails in my mouth, scratching at where ever my hand lands.

Today I opened my arms to comfort though. It sounds metaphorical but it was literal. As I was held, I let myself be comforted. I lent into someone holding me. Someone that will help to stitch me back up.

I put my arms around him and realise I have never done this in my deepest moments of unease.

I recall children crying. When held in comfort, they tend to hold on. When did I stop doing this? When, in the moments that I need someone the most, did I instinctively curl up against the world, and not let anyone in?

In pulling myself back together, with help, I’ve realised the fabric of my life must change.

I know I’ll falter, I’ll hurt and at time I’ll fail. But at those worst moments I will open my arms to help and love. And they will be the new stitches that hold me together.

I’m not alone. And I have to remember that.

Mojo&Me xx

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1 thought on “When the fabric of life needs holding together”

  1. You are stronger than you believe and I believe that . You have a strong man by your side who brings the best in you. Please let me in when you need to be held tight and get a grip on those demons that take your peace of mind. Flick them away as they are not important but you are and that matters. 💗💓🙏🏼

    Like

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