I know this is rather old school of me, but I wanted to write you a letter.
A few weeks ago I reached out to our little group to say that life is hard for me at the moment. I did this not to gain sympathy, or like minds or even support. I did this to be honest.
In doing this I have opened up a conversation with you. A conversation that I feel sad took so long for me to realise it needed to happen.
You see, we’re so similar. Years ago, we were confused as one person. Yet years ago, I met you and thought, I wish I was as intelligent, beautiful and confident as my friend. Filling rooms with laughter, ideas and straightforward common sense, I wished with all my heart I could be more like you, living life to its fullest despite the hidden wounds we sometimes spoke of late into the evening, as the office closed and the cleaners arrived, hovering up the stories we told so we could go ahead and pretend there was no story to share.
After all, on the surface, all was pretty damn normal.
There’s an attitude we share, linked to creating normality. We get on with things, achieve, are outwardly confident and can be a force to contend with. We do all this with a smile on our face.
Then, only when we are alone, really alone, without our friends or loved ones, do we let ourselves admit the truth.
I have been unchallenged by my wounds today – I’ve kept them away from the surface where anyone could see them. And I will do this again tomorrow. And the day after. No one will know.
I want you to know that I know.
Today, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. The woman that I wished for all those year I could be, stands as a women stronger than she knows, with a fierce mind willing to take on the world; a heart not of stone as we often joked, but of gold, one that is waiting for love and makes the most of the various guises it comes in through friendships, bad dates and relationships with those she loves.
I wish for your day today to be a great one. One where you don’t run from the fears in your head, but you decide to face them. We both need to do this.
The truths you see in me, are within you. You text me, telling me that you see me as a brilliant, smart, funny, accomplished, rounded individual who can achieve anything she puts her mind to. Darling, don’t you see? That’s you too.
We’ve always been so similar.
Love always – your friend,